Farty Wrench Movies

By now I figure most people know that I devour movies like seedy Ice Cream Truck goodies, but a question I always still seem to get is how I can stand to watch these so-called 'Farty Wrench Movies.' Some might not be familiar with this vein of film; I would probably guess the people who pay to see Transmorphers III or President Weevil: Sadder Life multiple times. Most probably know of their existence through parodies or mock films that try to exploit the pretentiousness of Farty Wrench movies. I do not find these funny because I love Farty Wrench movies. When I watch them I feel like they open up my shell and allow my inner soul's squirrels to scavenge the nuts of meaning from every scene to store back in my body for winter. When I poop I am mostly excreting profound statements of humanism and existential crises from Farty Wrench movies that I have watched recently. When I don't watch Farty Wrench movies my body becomes a constipated Philistine mess. I have a need to watch Farty Wrench movies, so the next time you see me watching a Farty Wrench movie like Les Quatre Cents Poops or Trois couleurs: Screw, just say something like "Oh, looks like Rycar is watching one of those boring Farty Wrench movies again" and let me be. I can't help it.

Still from "Jewels et Gym," a Farty Wrench movie